Let’s go to the scenes: Birra at the mall because he did not get the toy he wanted, a messy room because the little one refuses to keep toys after play, complaints at school for not following the rules, and so on, these are some of the situations that Are linked to the lack of limits in childhood .
Yes, it is not always easy not to give in to the cute little faces they make when they ask for something, or to escape from ” he has strong personality, so-and-so ,” in the search for solutions we often do not pay attention to simple things that can be Changed so we can teach children that things will not always be as they want.
Lack of time to stay with children often ends up making parents want to “please” and avoid tantrums and crying when children are upset, but we come once again to emphasize the importance of this frustration, to say not in childhood Is to say yes to a healthy development. Studies show that six out of ten families are having to deal with child aggression , and this is closely linked to children who are cohabiting and learning that ” there are no limits .”
An aggressive reaction can happen when the unaccustomed child is confronted with rules of coexistence, the day-to-day “no’s” and the other frustrations he or she encounters. And in this regard, our attentions need to come back to the adults who are living with the children, yes, the limits at this age still come from outside, the child needs to be presented to what is forbidden and allowed.
Something we always remember in our offices is: children do not develop behavior problems alone! So take the paper and the pen that goes there some tips on how to deal with and teach children about the limits.
– Patience and Persistence , yes this dupline will need to accompany the parents during this process. Understand that the child learns by repetition, and that talking and doing only once will not work.
– Routine! This is a great way to teach the child that they will have a “road map” to follow and that there is adequate time for everything. Making a list or a mural illustrated with the child’s routine so that she can visualize and guide herself can help the family reduce temper tantrums when it comes to eating, bathing and sleeping, for example.
– Limit , yours is not an act of love either! Be it to interrupt something or punish (in the case of punishment), it must be given at the moment of action. Children who are punished after a certain time can no longer associate punishment with the action taken. Therefore, the speech ” when we get home you will be punished “, often no effect.
– Punishment? When we speak of punishment, every family has their opinion, there is no general rule, what we suggest, especially for younger children who do not yet have the rational ability to understand the consequences is the withdrawal of something: be a walk, watch the favorite drawing or Not being able to play in the courtyard. In this way, the child is introduced to the idea of consequence and the same applies to when everything is well, to praise and to show the gains that the child has when he behaves, is a great currency of exchange at that age. ( Tip to parents: opt for pleasurable times such as outings, family jokes, watching a movie together rather than buying toys as a valuation of good behavior ).
– Make room for the child’s opinion , and when possible let it also make decisions, makes the idea of exchanges and collective be built. Small things from day to day like: ” Do you want to wear the yellow or blue blouse today? “,” Let’s eat pizza or hamburger? “,” Do you want to bathe now or after the drawing? “These are simple things that will not bring great changes to the already established routine and will cause the child to be stimulated in its autonomy and also feel valued.
– Do not give in to crying , yes, sometimes it seems almost impossible not to give what they want to stop the show, especially when we are in public places and surrounded by several crossed eyes. But when we give in, we are teaching children that they can get what they want in this way.
– Parents in harmony , respecting the position of the husband or wife is key! The child will always try the two reference options he has: the father and the mother. It is important that the couple present the same position in relation to the decisions that involve the child so that they do not get lost or end up using this situation as a way to get what they want.
If you feel that things are difficult to be circumvented and that the child is presenting damages in their lives not only at home but also in other social environments, be sure to seek a psychology professional. Parent guidance is here for this!
Always remember: The child of today will be the teenager of tomorrow, and what we plant today will surely flourish right there.